LOTS OF PEOPLE NEED
TO BE THANKED
Many of us have the habit of sending 'thank you' cards whenever we receive
a gift, even if we plan to return the gift to whichever company had the poor sense to make
it. But when it comes to other things that benefit us, we barely utter a word of
gratefulness. Even on Thanksgiving Day, we're usually thankful for only one thing: that
someone else is doing the dishes.
Wouldn't it be great if we sent 'thank you' cards at least once a year to people who make
a difference in our lives? Here are just a few 'thank you' suggestions:
---Thank your parents for loving you and providing for you. Without them, Halloween
wouldn't have been the only day you spent begging for candy. They helped you distinguish
right from wrong (unless you're reading this in prison). Even when you messed up and were
charged with drunken driving, they didn't stop encouraging you to run for president.
---Thank your teachers for educating you. They taught you how to read, saving you the
embarrassment of voting for the wrong presidential candidate. They taught you geography
and history, allowing you to gain an appreciation for all the other subjects.
---Thank your police officers for not only protecting you, but also entertaining you. If
they weren't around, you wouldn't be able to watch your favorite television show
"Cops." That's because someone would surely kidnap you. And to pay the ransom,
your family would need to sell your precious big-screen TV. And your even-more-precious
---Thank your mail carriers for being so reliable. Almost every single day, they bring you
important letters and other mail. Without them, you'd have trouble filling your trashcans.
And even worse, you wouldn't know what's on sale at Wal-Mart.
---Thank your politicians for representing you in the legislature. They sponsor laws that
benefit your community. They make sure your taxes don't get so high that you can't
contribute to their campaigns.
---Thank your trash collectors for picking up your garbage. Without them, you'd have to
decorate your home with empty beer cans. And you'd have to walk around with a clip over
your nose. That would end any hopes you have of getting a date.
---Thank your employer for giving you a job. Without it, you'd have no time whatsoever to
surf the Internet. Without it, you'd have to find some other things to complain about. And
how would you pay all your bills? You'd have to collect more beer cans.
---Thank your co-workers for putting up with you. They have to listen to all your
complaints, which cuts down on their complaining time. If they had wanted to hear so many
complaints, they'd have gotten a job
---Thank your doctor for treating you. Without doctors, all your other complaints would
seem trivial. You'd probably die from the common cold. Without doctors, you'd never
appreciate how low your other
---Thank your dentist for working on your teeth. Because of dentists, you can smile
without scaring children. Because of them, you can drive past a road construction crew and
feel great sympathy for the
Copyright 2000 Melvin Durai http://www.funnycolumns.com
Melvin Durai is a Shippensburg, Pennsylvania-based
writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up
in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the
early 1980s. Read his older columns at