the meal has been going on for hours, and your family is grilling you
about how your life is going these days, try on of these excuse so you can
make a quick get away. Things To Do Thanksgiving Day If You Want To Be
1. Remind your 12 year old brother/sister that you left those condoms they
asked for in the closet upstairs.
2. Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and
proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.
3. Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks.
Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.
4. Shoot olive pits at Grampa's glasses (just pinch them in your fingers
and they FLY!!)
5. Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R,
make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.
6. When it's your turn to state what you are thankful for, say "latex
sheets and crisco".
7. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's
8. Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.
9. Sit at the "children's table" and lecture them on just why we
need to increase the teenage pregnancy population.
10. Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.
11. As the family is being seated, shout, "Oh my Gawd, I forgot to
show you all my genitalia piercing I got on Halloween!!"
12. Hold your nose while you eat.
13. Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey
14. Mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't
notice, you were worried for nothing".
15. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in
the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce
that you've got a new fear of choking.
16. When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour
late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the
necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.
17. During dinner, ask your brother if his mistress solved that little
"dead rabbit" problem.
18. Turn to Dad and tell him to advise your brother, having experienced
19. Promise that the winner of the "wishbone tug" gets to sleep
with your date. (sex/age unimportant)
20. Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE
SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket.