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Funny Christmas Jokes and Stories - 5

Funniest Christmas Jokes from around the internet. We collect All Christmas Humor, X-mas Holiday Jokes and Christmas Stories to save you the trouble of doing it yourself. See our Funny Christmas Memes as well. Hope you like the show.

Happy Holidays Everybody!

Santa Is Quitting

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T'was the night before X-mas - Old Santa was pissed 
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list 
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks, 
I have good mind to scrap the whole works 
I've busted my ass for damn near a year 
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear 
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night 
The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight 
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids 
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS 
And just when I thought that things would get better 
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter 
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny 
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money 
And the kids these days - they all are the pits 
They want the impossible ... Those mean little shits 
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds 
Assembling dolls... Their arms, legs and heads 
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them 
They want computers and robots... they think I'm IBM! 
Flying through the air... dodging the trees 
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees 
I'm quitting this job... there's just no enjoyment 
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment 
There's no X-mas this year... now you know the reason 
I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!


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